Letting it out of my hands, into the people's who listen.

I guess its true when people say that even if you ignore something, it wont ever truly go away - you're going to have to deal with it at some point.
Aftern internship, well during it mostly- i had developed this new perspective on life, i valued it more. It helped me realize who i am as a person and get through some things that i was confused about. I thought it helped me through all my problems and at the moment it did. After internship and when i wasn't watching surgery on a daily basis, some of this perspective went away. My life still changed due to this internship but a while after internship ended i realized it didn't as much as i originally thought. If i was still seeing surgery on a day to day basis im pretty sure that my life would be completely different. I don't know how to explain what surgery does to my brain, its just something you have to personally experience.
So my point is, this anxiety thing has gone on for a while, along with me wanting therapy. I have done everything in my power to take that next step with these things but nothing i do is working. Its coming to the point where all im listening to is the negative things because thats all i hear, due to trying to find the positive things for so long and it not working.... i mean who can blame me? So im just going to let it be in the control of others. I have people who care a lot about me and want to help- which i am so thankful for them, so im just going to let them take it into their hands and whatever happens, happens... im done trying. Im obviously crying out for help and the people that need to hear me the most aren't so maybe others can help them open their ears.
Im finally letting it out of my hands. I have been carrying this thing on my shoulders for to long.
-Madison Rae